Mysteries of the Universe
by SugarCereal
Summary: Steven Universe X Gravity Falls. A chance encounter with a dysfunctional warp lands the Steven Universe and the gang in the mysterious Gravity Falls. They'll need to enlist the aid of Dipper and Mabel if they want to get home, but not before they help them solve a mystery of their own.
1. Chapter 1: The Light

**Chapter 1: The Light**

Pearl's spear flew through the air and expertly pierced the large, swollen figure that had previously been in a divebomb toward the Crystal Gems. Within moments, the figure shuttered and exploded in a puff of dust and feathers, temporarily impeding the Gems' vision.

"Get ready," Garnet commanded through the corrupted gem viscera. "There's bound to be more where that came from." In one fluid motion, she clenched her fists and summoned her gauntlets, compelling the remaining Gems ready their respective weapons. This was supposed to be nothing more than a routine sweep over what had been a long inactive access point in a dried up riverbed, and she had no desire to waste time on a few stray monsters. The group effortlessly fell into battle formation: Pearl and Amethyst collapsed behind Garnet while bracing each other's backs, forming a triangle shape. The trio stood as impossibly still as only beings without the need to breathe could. Soon the dust settled, revealing absolutely no impending threat bearing down on them.

Amethyst broke first, shoving her whip back into her gem hastily. "What gives, man? Those birds too chicken to fight us or something?"

"Amethyst, don't be so impatient," Pearl chided, but stashed her weapon all the same. "These creatures always travel in large groups. We need to remain vigilant." She paced the perimeter of the ancient river and suddenly stiffened. "Wait, where's Steven?"

"Here I am!" hollered Steven from behind an overgrown bush on what used to be the riverbank. "And I don't think we'll be seeing any more bird things, either. Look—these must have been her eggs!" He popped up from behind the bush, a misshapen mass of twigs and feathers raised above his head. Nestled on top were several blue-and-gold-speckled eggs, each about the size of a pinecone.

Pearl clapped her hands on her hips. It wasn't uncommon for Steven to disappear during missions, but it never failed to test her nerves. "Put those down—they could be dangerous!"

"But Pearl!" he whined, "we can't just leave them here. They haven't even hatched yet."

"Good call; we should squash 'em!" Amethyst teased. "Oh, I know, let's go egg the mayor's house!"

Pearl shot Amethyst a withering look. "We will do no such thing."

"Bubble them and we'll deal with them later. We need to get moving," Garnet demanded, heading off the tension stewing between the two. If there was one thing Garnet had learned in the several thousand years she had spent in the company of more outspoken personalities, it was how to intervene before petty banter devolved into emotional fallout.

"Aww, okay. Into the bubble you go, little guys." Steven focused intently on the nest in his hands. A sparkling pink bubble materialized around it with a soft _blup_ and off it went to join the rest of their hodgepodge gem artifact collection. When he finally looked up, the Gems were already on the move.

Pearl was deep in conversation with herself by the time Steven had caught up to the group. "And why would a creature pick this location of all places to breed? It doesn't make any sense. There are no natural resources to support such growth." If anyone had answers, no one offered them. Steven, being the ever-imaginative, eagerly helpful child he was, couldn't resist a hypothetical challenge. But to the Gem's delight, his stream of thoughts was abruptly halted by an eruption of light in the distance. Somewhere, in this vast wasteland of sun-baked stones and weeds, a warp pad had activated.

The glow hung in the air like a thin curtain, it's ribbons so opaque they looked like you could reach out and grasp them. Unlike the glittering blue streams of light the pads usually produced, this one was gold and distorted. If Steven noticed the uneasy glances being exchanged around him, he was too enthralled by the golden spectacle care, and so he darted forward, eager to reach the warp and check it out.

* * *

The golden aura had dissipated long before the Gems reached the pad, but they didn't need to see it to know where to go. Further up the river was a well-worn footpath that wound through a sandy embankment. There, among a few skinny trees and clumps of grass sat the warp, looking as frail as the foliage that surrounded it. It was remarkable how seriously in disrepair it was; cracks spidered across the sides of the crystal platform and the edges were almost entirely chipped away. At its base grew sickly-looking algae that was starting to creep into the more accommodating crevices. To Steven, it looked more like a sad, weathered slab of concrete instead of a majestic portal-making machine. He circled around the platform, eying it suspiciously, but no matter which way he looked at it, it was still just a normal warp pad.

"How is this warp still active? Just look at it! It's a mess!" Pearl reached down and brushed her slender fingers across the rough surface. Loose shards of crystal worked themselves free under her touch and skittered about. Even though she knew this particular warp had been inactive for hundreds of years, it was a shame to see it so ruined. "Do you think Peridot could be responsible for all this damage? It wasn't like this when we checked on it fifty years ago."

"No." Garnet adjusted her glasses and said nothing else. Pearl knew it highly improbable that a Homeworld Gem would willingly vandalize a warp, but the damage was too severe to not consider it a possibility, especially now that the transmitter had obviously been altered.

"If not her, then who? Someone must have activated it," she pressed.

Amethyst yawned loudly. "This is booooring. Why don't we just use it and see where it goes? If it takes us to Peridot, I say we kick her butt once and for all."

"That would be highly irresponsible," Garnet stated. "We don't know if it's still capable of transporting us whole or if we'll end up in pieces like that time in Zerza Nine. We need to destroy it so that whatever was using it can't come back." With this, she raised her fist-turned-gauntlet and brought it crashing down into the platform. Aside from exacerbating the spread of a few existing cracks, its condition remained unchanged.

And then the warp activated.

A blinding flash of light shot out from every crevice, bathing the immediate vicinity in warm, golden rays. When it finally receded enough for anyone to open their eyes, the world around them was dark.

"Ahh! Help! I've gone blind!" Steven cried, waving his hands in front of his face.

"You're not blind, Steven. Your eyes just haven't adjusted to the dim light yet," Pearl said flatly.

She was right, as usual, and it wasn't long before Steven was able to make out each of his fingers in the low light. When he pulled away his hands, he saw they were on the outskirts of a forest near a quiet highway. A nearby sign read, "WELCOME TO GRAVITY FALLS."


	2. Chapter 2: The Mystery

**Chapter 2: The Mystery**

The Gems had been walking for what seemed like ages to Steven. Every step he took was sluggish and uncertain, his legs dragging behind his body like heavy sacks of flour. He was convinced they would fall off if they didn't stop to rest soon. Despite the damage, the warp had successfully teleported them in one piece. As it turned out, not only was it still functional, it was so good at its job that it somehow managed to do it without the need of a return pad, effectively stranding them in an unknown location.

As the sun sank lower in the sky, Steven longed for his favorite spot in front of the fireplace and a nice meal. Maybe he could have gotten hotdogs and fry bits on the beach with Connie if she wasn't busy with school work. Connie...He pushed the thought out of his head as soon as he'd had it. He'd been missing Connie an awful lot lately, but it always made him feel weird to admit it. Instead, he focused again on food. If only he'd ignored Pearl and brought his cheeseburger backpack like he'd wanted, he wouldn't be so miserable. He'd have to share his snacks with Amethyst—and she could be greedy sometimes—but it was better than starving.

As if on cue, Amethyst whined loudly about being hungry, and Steven groaned and slumped over further, lacking the energy to do much else. It wasn't fair. His stomach felt like it was starting to digest itself, and Amethyst probably didn't even know what being hungry felt like.

"I wish I was a real Gem, like you guys," he found himself complaining out loud. "Then I wouldn't need to eat or breathe or sleep."

"We'll find something soon," Garnet assured, waving her hand dismissively. Pearl offered a weak smile that Steven took to mean they were probably doomed.

Eventually, the highway branched into a dirt road that opened up to a clearing. A soggy cardboard sign sticking up from the ground pointed to a structure at the end of the road. Its words were faded, but it made no difference to Steven. The prospect of food reinvigorated him, and he dashed down the dirt path as quickly as his stubby legs could carry him, the Gems following close behind.

Soon, the curious building came into focus, it's shabby, faded facade looming over them. Every inch of the building was covered in signs, some warning strangers to leave while they still could and others inviting them in. A massive, winged totem towered in a dark corner, it's topmost eyes illuminated by a gas lamp near the entrance. Steven thought it looked like a giant monster peering out at them from the edge of the forest. A small group of people were clustered the front door, waiting for their turn to enter.

"Guys, look! It's a Mystery Shack!" Steven gestured animatedly toward the huge sign on the roof. The "s" was missing, a dirty outline of the letter in its place. "Can we go, pleaaaase?" he begged, jutting out his lower lip as far as it would go.

Amethyst pushed past the people milling around the patio and pressed her face to the window. "Oh cool, look at all this junk!"

"Absolutely not!" Pearl crossed her arms in a huff. "We need to find a way out of this place, not peruse this house of...vulgur curiosities." The front patio featured what appeared to be a disfigured and poorly taxidermied bear-owl hybrid, although it was hard to discern; it had lost most of its fur to weathering or poor craftsmanship. Pearl crinkled her nose in disgust.

"Aww, c'mon," Steven whined. "It'll be a lot of fun! Besides, what if we find clues in there? It's a _mystery_ shack. There's gotta be tons of useful stuff in there."

"No way, I—"

"Steven's right," Garnet interjected. "This mysterious shack is our best bet if we're going to find out why the warp led us here."

"Aw yeah!" Amethyst exclaimed.

Pearl hunched her shoulders. "You can't be serious."

"Chill out dude, it's just a house. What's there to be afraid of?" Amethyst chimed in, always eager to get a rise out of Pearl. "Besides, we've been walking around for like 4 hours and my dogs are barkin'."

As Pearl began to lecture Amethyst about the virtues of staying away from enclosed spaces, the front door swung open, tinkling a small bell in announcement. Steven and Amethyst darted into the open door ahead of the group that had been waiting, ducking under the arms of the stocky, gray-haired man who came to greet them. He wore a dusty, sagging formal suit that stank badly of moth balls and on his head rested a fez embroidered in gold. One eye was inexplicably covered with an eyepatch. The effect of the ensemble was more comical than intimidating.

"Come in, come in!" the man called out to the group. "Those two with you?" he asked Pearl and Garnet in a lower voice, pointing to Steven and Amethyst with the cane he held in his free land. The pair were running around the room, tossing an expensive-looking crystal ball back and forth.

"Yes?" Pearl answered uncertainly. She took a step inside but the man blocked her path with his cane.

"You gonna pay for them? Entry's eight bucks." His voice was becoming more gruff and annoyed, but neither Pearl nor Garnet took notice. The nuances of human emotion eluded them even after thousands of years of cohabitation.

"Yes," Garnet responded simply, then shoved the man against the side of the doorway with enough force to crack the drywall. Once her and Pearl were inside, she turned around and added, "Excuse me."

The man didn't ask again.

* * *

Steven pressed his face against a glass display case in amazement. "Jack-a-lope," Pearl enunciated carefully. "This fearsome mythological hare-beast isn't as cuddly as he looks. His horns are sharper than diamonds and can cut through bone." She cocked an eyebrow and kept reading. "When provoked, these creatures lunge at their victims and rip their throats out with their bare teeth?" She glanced at the gray-haired man, whose name she'd learned was Stan, mouth hanging open incredulously.

"Caught him myself, my fair maiden," Stan boasted. "He almost took my eye out!" The group stopped in their tracks, their collective eyes lingering on his eyepatch. "Uh, I meant my other eye of course."

Pearl wasn't fazed. "Isn't the Jackalope an elaborate albeit obvious hoax? It looks like you've glued deer antlers to a rabbit carcass. Furthermore—"

"Psst, Steven, c'mere!" Amethyst poked her head out of the next room, waving him over. Steven slipped away from the group while Pearl argued with Stan, and the two wandered between exhibits aimlessly until they came out through the gift shop exit.

The room was empty aside from a red-haired girl in a plaid shirt and fur-lined trapper hat perched behind the register. She was absorbed in her phone, her thumbs swiftly working the screen every few seconds. The walls were lined with various nicknacks: keychains, posters, miniature versions of exhibits, even a plush toy that resembled Stan with a tag that read, "Squeeze me, I talk." (Amethyst grabbed the toy and obliged. A gruff voice commanded, "Buy me!") Steven was immediately drawn to a glowing vending machine humming quietly against a wall next to some weird t-shirts, but just as quickly disappointed when he noticed the big "Out of Order" sign taped to the front. His stomach growled loudly in retaliation.

"This place is boooring," Amethyst whined as they looked around the souvenirs. The girl behind the counter muttered something under her breath, and she suspected she agreed. "Look what I got," Amethyst whispered, pulling Steven close. She pulled a gilded skeleton key out from under her shirt.

"Whoa, where did you get that?" Steven asked loudly.

"Quiet, you're gonna get us in trouble," she snapped. "Don't worry about it. Let's see if we can find out what it goes to. Maybe it's hidden treasure!"

"Uh, I dunno..." he began to protest, but she was dragging him behind her to a door on the far side of the room.

"You guys need anything? The exit's over there." The red-haired girl called out, still poised over her phone.

"Nope." Amethyst pushed open the door. It was unlocked.

"You guys aren't supposed to go in there." The girl said, not sounding particularly bothered.

"We know." Amethyst wasn't deterred.

"Okay then."

The pair disappeared behind the door and down a long, dark hallway.


End file.
